“To the questions of your life you are the answer, and to the problems of your life you are the solution.” -Joe Cordare
The number one question I get more than anything else or some variation of it is: “Why?” Why did this happen to me? Why am I going through this? Why did they do this to me? Why did God do this to me? Why don’t they love me? Why did they leave me? And on and on.
The reasons why people do what they do are wide and deep. Just look at all of the books written on mental and psychological disorders, criminal profiling, narcissism, sociopaths etc. People spend years studying why people do what they do.
Then there are people who simply lack integrity, honesty, ethics, values and those who couldn’t care less about anyone but themselves.
There are so many different scenarios I can give you where people wonder why. Why did an employee of mine try to sue me for half of my business after I taught her an entirely new career and paid her very well? Why did an ex steal $35,000 dollars from me? Why did my best friend at work set me up to get me fired? Why do people cheat on you? Lie to you? Hurt you? Why do people do what they do? The bottom line is: because that is who they are!
You can drive yourself crazy, let it consume you, lose sleep over it, talk to everyone about it, try and figure it all out and you may even have the opportunity to confront the person and ask them why face to face. But, the reality is, what’s the difference? What if you have the chance to ask your ex why they left you or cheated on you? And they give you an answer. How do you know they are telling you the truth?
If they lied and cheated on you to begin with, why would they all of a sudden start to be honest with you about anything now? Or, you can ask people why they do what they do and you’ll be lucky if you get an honest answer. And, 99 times out of 100 they will rationalize why they did what they did and make excuses for why they did it.
When you want to know why, ask yourself this: How will knowing the answer to this question change anything? What will getting an answer to your question do in helping you deal with it? Let’s just say that you had the opportunity to ask a partner why they left you. And their answer is, “Because I didn’t feel the same way anymore.” Or, “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Does that make you feel better? Does it make any difference in how you heal? And, now your next question is, why did you change how you feel? What did I do to make you change your feelings? And wondering why goes on and on.
When you learn to accept the fact that sometimes things simply don’t work out the way you want and you may never have the answer to, “Why?” You can begin to move on sooner rather than later. By holding onto the unanswered questions that you may never have the answers to only prolongs your suffering.
Accept that people are who they are and no matter why they did what did or do what they do, doesn’t change the outcome. There is a big case in the U.S right now about a young mother who killed her 2 year old daughter. Why did she do it? There are many theories as to why, but regardless as to why she did it, the child is still dead. Answering, why, doesn’t change the outcome.
So if you are banging your head against the wall wondering why about something, ask yourself why you aren’t letting go of the past, accepting what is and enjoying your life?